Story first, strategy second: how to get people to buy into your big idea

22 May

Below are two pieces of writing. Both are advertising a corporate scheme to match employee donations to charity.

Which do you prefer?

This one:

As part of our commitment to building a culture of giving and volunteering at the company, the Bank of America Charitable Foundation Matching Gifts program encourages employees to contribute to causes they care about most by doubling the impact of their charitable donations to eligible nonprofits with matching gifts up to $5,000 USD per employee, per calendar year.

Or this one:

I was in the gym when it started.
I’d just finished my session and had sat down to rest. When I stood up again I was limping on my right leg and my right hand felt kind of funny.

Which of these two extracts compels you to read on?

Which better sells the benefits of the company’s matched giving programme?

Above all, which one makes you want to put your hand in your pocket and donate?

For us, it’s the second. Maybe we would say that because it’s the opening to a story we wrote for a client.

But maybe we say it because the whole approach is just so much more engaging.

The narrator of the second piece is one of the client’s 29-year-old employees. As the story unfolds, it’s revealed that the odd sensations he describes are symptoms of a stroke.

Thankfully, he survived — and says he’s planning a sponsored walk around Australia. Here are the final lines of the piece:

Any money donated will be doubled and will give a tremendous boost of hope to all those stroke sufferers who weren’t as lucky as I was.
The walk is about them, not me.

So what makes the second passage so much more compelling than the first? And how can you do the same to sell your big idea?

Make it personal

The first extract explicitly tells us it’s about a programme. The second is about a person.

But here’s the thing: pretty much every programme is, ultimately, about people. (Especially a programme involving donations to good causes 🤦🏻‍♀️).

There will be stories in there somewhere — they just need digging out.

For example, don’t list the benefits of your flagship training programme. Tell a story of an employee whose career skyrocketed as a result of it.

Don’t stress the importance of adhering to a policy or procedure. Tell a real-life story that dramatically illustrates why that policy or procedure had to be introduced.

Don’t list the features of a product, tell the story of a customer whose life it changed.

For tips on how to use stories in the workplace, check out our previous post How to bring your vision and strategy to life through storytelling.

Paint a relatable picture

The first passage tells us about the potential impact of the company’s matched giving programme. The second shows us that impact in dramatically vivid detail.

Like every story, it’s about the hero’s journey: a challenge that leads the main character into an adventure that changes them forever.

Better still, our hero here is deeply relatable. We first encounter him doing an ordinary thing in an ordinary place on an ordinary day (that quickly becomes extraordinary).

The whole thing is deliberately crafted to get the reader saying:

“This could happen to me. If it does, I want that life-saving drug to be available. The walk is about those stroke sufferers. But it’s also about me. Now, where is my wallet?”

For more on painting a picture, see our post Show, don’t tell: 4 powerful strategies for telling better business stories

Start in the right place

Successful stories start in the thick of the action (think of every James Bond movie you’ve ever watched).

Our employee’s story is designed to create mystery and suspense from the opening sentence.

I was in the gym when it started.

In other words, something (potentially ominous) happened — and you’ll need to read on to find out what.

Compare that with the opening words of the first passage:

As part of our commitment to

This is the kind of sentence starter you only ever see in unreadable corporate copy (see also: Aligned with our ongoing strategy of…, In accordance with our policy update… etc).

If you’re opening anything — a sentence, a paragraph or an article — with this kind of formula, you’re starting in the wrong place.

A more powerful approach is always to think: Story first, strategy second.

Give it some rhythm

Notice how the narrator of the second piece uses a mix of long and short sentences to add interest and drama to his story. Compare that with the first piece: a single sentence that’s 59 words long.

We usually stipulate an absolute max of 24 words per sentence to keep things readable. And, ideally, a mix of longer and short sentences to add rhythm, drama and interest.

Want me to buy your product? Ditch the tech specs and tell me a story.

Show, don’t tell: 4 powerful strategies for telling better business stories

How to bring your vision and strategy to life through storytelling

Case study: Storytelling and tone of voice training for EE

Want help telling stories for your business? Get in touch!

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